


It Is What It Is

by Sherlock1110



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, Guilty Sherlock, a bit angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 15:19:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9390671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlock1110/pseuds/Sherlock1110
Summary: Sherlock's feeling guilty about what happened at Sherrinford, not because of what his sister did, but what he had done to John so long ago





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sherlockian4evr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockian4evr/gifts).



> Beta read by Sherlockian4evr

Sherlock was sat in his armchair in 221B Baker Street, staring into space. The same space he'd been staring at for a long time. The flat was practically back to normal, and with the two holes in the wall again John had hidden his SIG. He couldn't be bothered to try and find it. 

When John climbed the stairs after a long day's work, he spotted his flatmate in the exact same space he had been in 9 hours ago when he'd left for the surgery. 

"Sherlock?" He got no response. "Oi!" He picked up the Union Jack pillow and bounced it off of Sherlock's head. 

Sherlock let it bounce to the floor making the doctor sigh, but with worry rather than annoyance. He had long since learnt that Sherlock wasn't being a twat when he was like this; quite the opposite. 

Trying a different tactic, John stepped forward. "Sherlock, where's my daughter?"

The detective glanced up at that. "Mrs. Hudson's looking after her."

"Right. Good. Now I have your attention. What's wrong?"

Sherlock ignored the question and instead asked; "Aren't you going to go and see her?"

"I saw her a moment ago. She's asleep, now talk."

Sherlock got to his feet and began pacing, but actually going around the table rather than over it for a change. 

"Sherlock!" John yelled. 

"Why did you move back in?"

The blond frowned and dropped his coat on the table. "Because we discussed it. It was best for all of us. Best for you, best for me and best for Rosie."

"You must hate me. How can you live with me? How can you make Rosie live with me?"

"Sherlock, I've already apologised for… Mary was right, to save me I needed to save you."

"That's not what I'm talking about."

"Then explain, Sherlock, because you're scaring me."

The detective moved to the window, to look out at the sky growing darker. 

John immediately starting looking around the flat, under the skull under the blankets the pillows.

"John," Sherlock tried after a while. "I'm not high."

That didn't stop there doctor from looking, but he said, "Then explain."

"Vivisection."

John froze and then ever so slowly he straightened up. "We went to hell, yes," he cleared his throat. "What's that got to do with me apparently hating you?"

"My sister-" he choked on the word. "What she did. It's what I did."

"What?"

"Baskerville."

John closed his eyes. "Sherlock, that was years ago."

"I laughed. When you were in that cage, I laughed. You were a lab rat to me, like we were to my sister. Mycroft's… he barely speaks. But you've just forgotten… forgotten about it. What Eurus did. What I did. You weren't even… you were angry, but not for long. Not when we came home."

"Sherlock-"

"I'm no better then her. I treat you the way she treated us. Nothing more than a dog."

"That's the point, she's a murderer. She killed people."

"I've killed people. I shot Magnussen in the head a year ago."

"And I've killed people. The cabbie? That Jackson bloke, the guy that tried to poison your dinner at Angelo's? All of them."

"That was different, they were cases, they were… they deserved it."

"And so did Magnussen. As for the experiment in the lab… yes you were a twat, but look at you now, how much you've changed? Rosie adores you! If this had happened 8 years ago…"

"You wouldn't let me anywhere near her."

John ducked his head and only looked up when Sherlock sobbed. It shocked him, a noise so abnormal from the younger man. 

"Oh, come here," John ordered. 

The detective didn't move, so John reached up and pulled his head down to his shoulder. He was fighting tears of his own, but he couldn't let them show, instead he just whispered, "It is what it is."


End file.
